Author: Celia Whitler
On being there for a friend
We have been journeying with a friend. We (Celia and Ron) are both on the preschool board at our church. One of our fellow board members Meg unexpectedly lost her husband 3 weeks ago. One of her daughters and our son Zach are in class together at preschool (she calls him Whack). Meg’s husband Jack had an accident near Memphis and was rushed to a hospital in Memphis, where he died about a week later. Our family was driving home from Louisiana when we received news of the accident. Our trip took us through Memphis, so we stopped and spent an evening with the family at the hospital. We have learned so much in the last 3 weeks. There are so many stories and lessons we could include, but we’ll keep it to a few.
Lesson 1: Make time to stop. Being there for each other is paramount. It’s not about knowing how to be there, it’s about being willing to risk awkwardness and the unknown. Had we driven through Memphis without stopping, we would have saved some time. Maybe the family would have missed our support. We certainly would not even be aware of the enrichment and the experience of God’s abundance that we would have missed. Being there was the first step on the journey of growing together. Your friends become family when you walk through the fire together.
Lesson 2: The church is a big family and a small family at the same time. When we returned home from Memphis, we talked about what else we could do to help. We have a list of people who have heard Celia sing. You are receiving this email because you are on that list. We called several churches in the Memphis area from our list. Of course, the church showed up with visits, food, prayer and support. Crisis is one of those times when we are at our best as a community of faith. Part of what we love about our lives and our line of service is that we often get to experience the connection that is ours in faith.
Lesson 3: There is ALWAYS something you can do–be creative. We talked about what else we could do beyond praying and calling friends in Memphis. We knew the family was staying at a hotel, so we got the number of the fax line at the hotel (there was no charge to receive faxes). Celia sent a daily inspirational thought to the family via fax, knowing that it would be left under their hotel room door. No phone to answer, no extra errand–a supportive thought just showed up. At the funeral visitation, Ron went through the line and introduced himself. He was just another supportive visitor until he was introduced as being the fax lady’s other half. One of the family members said to Ron, “You’re married to the fax lady?” The faxes and the thought made a difference.
Lesson 4: Get to know your acquaintances. They have a life and a story beyond your limited contact. We sat together through several preschool board meetings. We shared both good and routine moments as we have talked about the details of running a quality preschoo, but we didn’t know much of each others lives before this loss. By not intentionally carving out time together, we missed some joyful times with a delightful couple.
Lesson 5: Cherish the people you love. Your time together is a gift. Meg has since told us many things about her and Jack’s marriage. They really liked each other and had fun together. She has said that she would rather have had only ten years sharing that kind of love, than a whole lifetime of “average.” That is an easy statement to comprehend. They crammed a lifetime into ten years. MAKE your relationships great.
Thanks you for what you do for each other and for how you’ve enriched our lives. Merry Christmas–may the Christ child be re-born in your hearts this season. God’s peace . . . Celia and Ron Whitler
PS visit “in the neighborhood benefit” to learn more.
The one that got away…
Last month I had the joy of spending a day fishing with my cousin Paul and his fishing-guide buddy, Allen. We were in South Louisiana near the Gulf of Mexico, (we could’ve been in the gulf for all I know.) When I say joy, I mean “opening presents Christmas morning” joy; “lose 20 pounds” joy; or “find your keys after looking for hours” joy. The remembrance of that day brings a smile to my face.
Stay with me on this story. That morning, I walked out the door at 5:30 AM. I was dressed for the day and ready to go. We stopped by a local store to pick up our lunch–2 containers of fried chicken–which tasted much better than your average fried chicken and we picked up my fishing license (I’m not a poacher). When I tell you they want all of your information to give you a Louisiana fishing license–I mean ALL of your information. They want color of eyes, color or hair, current phone, SS#, address. I don’t remember giving the state of Louisiana that much information when I registered to vote the first time. (I’m from Louisiana, so I can say that.) With my 3 day license in hand, off we went. We had live bait, we had chicken, we had a cooler of water & Gatorade and nothing but fishing on our to do list.
We arrived at the marina, put the boat in the water and were on our way. I love watching the sun come up, watching egrets fly overhead, enjoying the stillness of the water, or watching dolphins playing. It was a great day. I was thinking, “what I great life.”
Allen took us to our first spot. He handed me a pole and baited my line. I quickly told them I wanted to learn how to bait my own line–how tough could it be to put a little shrimp on a line? I didn’t know much about fishing–I was pretty much a clean slate. You tell me what to do or what I’m doing wrong and I’ll learn. I’m fairly teachable, when I want to learn—(there’s a golf story from New Mexico that could be inserted here, but I’ll save that for another devotional). After a few lessons on casting, I was a seasoned veteran, almost. I watched them catch one fish after another. They continued to coach me… “pull your line in slower, Celia” or “when you feel that tug, your bait’s probably gone”.
I would switch hands, I’d try to reel more slowly. Finally it happened. I caught one. Not a big one, but it was a fish. My first few fish were pretty small. Paul helped me unhook them and release them. I remember thinking, “he’s gonna get tired of this”, so I just started grabbing those fish myself. There are times in our lives when we’re not sure how to do something or we’re not sure if we’re doing it right, when we have to “gut it out”–just bear down and try. There have been times when people have said to me, “how do you do that and look so confident?” I guess I just say to myself, “I can do it.” Then I BECOME the thing I’m striving for. That was my approach that day. Finally I was fishing! I caught trout, red fish, and even a shark! My largest fish was a red fish about 28 inches long and around 10 to12 pounds. I was screaming and having a grand old time. Allen & Paul were laughing that laugh–like you’re killing us and you’re killing the fishing for all of the fishermen who can hear you and are trying to catch something.
Reeling those fish in is a job, but what a sense of pride when you do it. A couple of times I know I blinked and said, “hey guys, how I am doing?” My intent was to communicate the thought, “can either of you help me reel this in?” They’d smile and say; “you are doing great. Lift up your pole and bring it down and as reel.” It was my fish and it was my job to do.
THEN IT HAPPENED—it was about mid-day and we had fished in several different locations. I was casting, when all of a sudden, my line started going out like crazy. This got the attention of my fellow fishermen. They told me “that’s a big one, Celia. The biggest today, by far.” Finally my line broke. As we fixed it, we talked about the one that got away. We talked about how big it probably was, what it could have been–maybe it was a shark, they listed a slew of fish names that I had never heard of. We continued to fish and I thought, I’ve got two option–I can dwell on the one that got away and think I’ll never have another one like that OR I can choose to think there’s a better one and a bigger one out there. I know why folks love fishing. Some of the fun of fishing is knowing that next time might be the time when you will catch the big one or the one that got away.
Well, the day ended and the fish were cleaned. We readied the boat for another trip. I wanted to beg them to take me the next day, but I had a life to return to in Franklin. I had a singing engagement the next weekend. I had Ron, who lovingly and patiently kept our sons while I fished. I had two sons, Max and Zach, and I had stories to tell of Mama fishing on a boat.
The original purpose of my trip was to attend Paul’s father’s memorial service. He died from complications after a long-awaited liver transplant. I flew from Nashville to Houston and drove to Lake Charles to meet my family, many I hadn’t seen since the death of my own father. As I drove, I wondered what I would feel–sadness, connectedness, sense of loss, sense of belonging. I kept coming back to the thought that life has a way of moving on. I remembered good days and I believe that better days are ahead. When I saw my family, I didn’t have any words of wisdom about their loss. We shared something unspoken in our togetherness. It was a silent exchange—rooted in our common experience of the loss of a parent. No words were needed–being together was enough. In the silence, I felt right with the world and right with myself. At the memorial service, my Uncle Billy squeezed my hand during the closing song. Instead of feeling flooded with loss, I was reminded of all I have and all that is ahead–the overwhelming blessings. I was also reminded that my best days are ahead.
I go to churches and sing for youth groups. Occasionally, I meet a group or a church that dwells on days gone by. They are stuck with the notion that their best days are behind them. Of course, I am not talking about your church. This mindset is about living from a sense scarcity rather than living with an understanding of God’s abundance. Ultimately, the confidence to live this way comes from a trust that God holds the future.
Life is different when lived with the mindset that my best days are ahead of me–my best ideas are yet to come, my marriage grows better and stronger with time, my best songs are not yet written, and my biggest fish is still swimming. The day I spent fishing was a wonderful reminder of this truth.
**Here is the rest of the story and the real-life true story about the ones that got away. — Paul packed my fish on ice so I could fly them home. When I got to the Southwest Airlines ticket counter in Houston, the ticket agent smiled and said, “Ma’am, can you tell me what’s in your ice chest?” Proudly I answered, “fish I caught today near the Gulf. You won’t believe the day I’ve had.” I watched as she cut open my duct taped Styrofoam ice chest with a box cutter. As she worked, she muttered, “no, no, no. You can’t fly with this kind of ice chest, you can’t fly with loose ice, and you can’t fly with fresh fish–it has to be frozen.” So I left my fish and passed through security and flew home with only the things I had brought from Tennessee.
There is an end to this story in my mind. I have a vision of those airline employees and all their friends, gathered for a fish fry that night. It brings a smile to my face, knowing that they really might have had a party with MY fish. Those fish were the real ones that got away. I am left with the memory of an incredible day. My best trip is STILL in my future and I am ready to go.
A personal thanks to Paul and Allen, who were great sports to risk their day of fishing to take a girl like me out and teach me how to fish. You guys are great!
Jeremiah 29:11 For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.
At the River
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Shall we gather, gather at the river? Shall we gather with the saints above?
Shall we gather, gather at the river? Gather for to sing of God’s great love.
Sinners all around the feasting table. Gladly God’s good grace we prove.
Shall we gather, gather at the river? Gather for to sing of God’s great love.
Sing the Love that made the mountains, shim’ring snow capped in the sun.
Rivers roaring twisting turning ’till into the sea they run.
Sing the Love that placed the infant, resting in her mother’s arms,
Graced the earth with glades and forests, laden with a million charms.
Sing the Love that fashioned music, thus to heal the hardest heart.
Work and water, dance and diamonds, air and azure, ants and art.
Sing the Love that gave the prophets, speech and strength beyond their ‘ken’
Love that calls us to repentance, time and time and time again.
Sing the love that knows our grieving, Through the long and tedious night,
Sing the love that brings relieving, Like the morning’s healing light.
Sing the Love that feels our sorrow, Bears our weeping, tastes our tears
Love that will not leave us friendless, Even when no help seems near.
Sing the love of God Almighty now distilled in human frame,
Humbly born and living simply, Jesus was his given name.
Lamb and Lion, source and Saviour, voice and vision, word and way,
King and calling, bridge and brother, Life and light and dawn and day.
Sing the Love that found us sinners, bound by lies or guilt or pride,
Met us in the healing water, fed us by the river side.
Sing the Love which now invites us, to the feast that never ends.
Down the ages now and ever, singing feasting, family friends.
Down the ages now and ever, singing, feasting, family, friends
Yes we’ll gather at the river; The beautiful, the beautiful, the river
Gather with the saints at the river, that flows from the throne of God
© 2004 Ken Medema and Celia Whitler
words and music by Ken Medema and Celia Whitler
This summer I had the privilege of singing …
at the memorial service of Lillian Marie Harron. Lillian was the mother of a friend of mine at church. Marie, as her friends and family called her, was born the same year as my dad–1923. As I sat there and listened to our pastor tell the story of her life, I felt sorry I had not know her. It was a wonderful tribute. Friends and family stood and talked about Marie.. how kind…how fun… how loving… and how creative she was. At age 70, she could still do the splits–her grandchildren learned how to do the splits from her. In the lobby the family had assembled a collection of pictures of her that spanned her lifetime. They also had her senior yearbook. One autograph included a phrase that caught my eye, “You’re Plenty Ok.” What a simple concept.
From what I heard about Marie, she lived her life like she was plenty ok. She treated others that way as well. She shared her faith dailly. Marie embraced each challenge with dignity and perserverance. She was not afraid to go against the grain–in the sixties, when her children noticed “whites only” signs, Marie would quickly say to her children, “just because it’s a law doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do.” Her children learned to value everyone and everyone was their friend.
“Plenty Ok” . . . what if every morning we woke up and thought, “today Lord, I embrace this day as a gift… right where I am … both the good and the bad… the hard and the easy. Help me change those things you’d have me change. Lord, help me live my life as you would have me to… my life is plenty ok and I am plenty ok.” Listening to the story of her life I thought I would like to have known her AND that I would like to be more like her.
Try it for the rest of today, believe that you’re plenty okay, just the way God made you. And if you find yourself doubting or second guessing, or replaying or regretting the past, or worrying about the future; forgive yourself and remember… you’re plenty okay! … Celia
P.S. if you’ve given up on learning to do the splits, maybe it’s not too late.
Commencement
Recently I was sitting in an auditorium at the Commencement Exercises of a class of 2004. The service started a little late. Parents and friends eagerly waited for the moment their loved one’s name is read from the podium. There I was, sitting with my family, doing the same. The speeches had been made and I thought back to my own graduation ceremony. I remember saying to myself, “Ok Celia, when you go to receive your diploma—smile, don’t trip, enjoy the moment.” Well, I didn’t trip and the moment breezed by. Back to 2004… as the names were read to recognize this year’s graduates, people began clapping for their graduating senior. I found myself clapping as well. I really wanted to clap for each name that was read, even though my nephew’s name was a little down the line. Then, I noticed something–some folks had big cheers, loud shouts of encouragement and other people had only a few cheers. Sometimes it seemed that I was the only person clapping. There were about 250 names read that day and once I started, I was committed to finishing. After about the first 100 names, Ron asked if I was going to clap for every name. I thought, you know what? — yes, I am. I know God is like that in my life—present, clapping, sometimes I’m not even aware of how God is there, but I believe God is always present, always encouraging and celebrating.
Sometimes, God encourages us through another person reaching out. I can remember specific times when someone reached out to me. They might not have even known the impact it had on my life. My gestures of encouragement often come on the spur of the moment (this is no surprise if you know me at all). Even when I’m certain that someone has received plenty of attention over a tough situation, I go ahead and send a card. Yesterday I asked a friend (who I know has had a really tough year) how he was doing, I really wanted to know and I really took the time to listen. Sometimes it is the little nothings that we do that become the somethings. This morning, I got a call from a close friend whose dog had been it by a car… (the dog is ok… bruised up and resting at the vet’s). For the several years of marriage before I had children, our dog Smokey was our family. Losing him was losing a family member. This morning I jumped in the car and sat with my friends as they waited for word for their dog. I told my friends, “I’m gonna try to NOT be like Job’s friends.” If you remember the details of the story—Job’s friends are doing a great job supporting Job, UNTIL they open their mouth and start talking. It was good just to be with my friends.
It makes us feel special if we know that even one person is clapping for them. Everyone deserves to be recognized for a job well done, to have a pat on the back, to have someone pulling for them, even if person is be a stranger. So I clapped for everybody that day and when the last name was read, I felt like I had made a difference.
I have to wrap this up, I am off to swimming lessons. Max and Zach are taking lessons with 3 other little people. The parents are all cheering for every little thing that each of them does. Each day… you have the opportunity to help someone hold it together. So like we learn in swimming, don’t forget to reach and pull. Your encouragement will make a difference in the lives around you. It has made a difference in mine.
Weddings
I am looking at a wedding invitation on my desk and my thoughts drift toward weddings and ultimately toward wedding cake. What is it about wedding cake that I love? It is by far the best cake in the whole universe. (Except when my friend Marilyn made a red velvet cake for my dad’s 80th birthday, now that was a cake!) I can honestly say I can’t remember ever tasting bad wedding cake.
I love going to weddings. There is something so wonderful about weddings–the joy, the friends and family gathered, the food, and did I mention the cake. When I started singing, I sang for several weddings. Most of them were for friends and folks who had been in my husband Ron’s youth group throughout the years. There is something very wonderful about singing at a wedding—especially the ceremony of someone you love. When you sing, you are incredibly close to the action and it is holy ground. There is something so sacred and so special about seeing someone look into the eyes of the one they love with all of their heart and saying… with God’s help, we are one–we leave this place united to face everything together and we will hold on to each other.
Well it is that time of year again–spring is in the air and invitations are in the mailbox. Singing at weddings also makes me crazy. (Unless of course you’re reading this and I sang for yours, it was the exception). Most folks are nervous, wanting everything to go hopelessly perfect. That creates stress. And of course things seldom go perfectly, because someone is late, etc. Weddings, like marriages and the rest of this life, are simply not perfect.
I have sung in two weddings when I was several months pregnant. Try to find clothing to help you blend in when you are very pregnant, ugh; but I smiled and sang anyway and was thrilled to be included. Of course videotaped those ceremonies.
My favorite experience was the one where the grandparents had been forgotten at the hotel. The mother of the bride asked me if I could stretch my song. There was no way to stretch that song, so I smiled and said, “Ummm no, but thanks; let’s just have an instrumental moment.” So the organist went around one more time.
Another favorite memory is my brother-in-law and sister-in-law’s wedding. It was held on the steps of a beautiful house on Calumet Horse farm in Lexington, KY. A video camera was set up and I sang a song, while in the background my energetic eighteen-month-old son Max is running laps around the small ceremony. Somehow we had the moment! It is a great video to watch now. I could tell more stories about other weddings, but I am getting to the stories where I begin embarrassing myself.
Back to cake, I remember wanting my own wedding cake to look perfect. I had the ladies of an art class at my church, touch up a small statuette of a bride and groom that my parents had used on their wedding cake. The couple on the statue looked a bit tired, but I loved it. I remember when the baker brought the cake. I had this vision of a lace arch over the bride and groom standing proudly on the very top of the cake. I turned to the baker as she placed the cake on the table in the fellowship hall and asked her about the arch. She said she had forgotten about my arch and so the couple stood proudly, but unadorned by the beautiful arch from my perfect vision.
Sometimes we have to choose between letting go of a vision or letting go of the moment. If you cling to the vision, you miss the moment. The only way to embrace the moment is to release the vision, in order to see what is perfect about what is right in front of you. The real perfection that day was in our love for each other. That love has carried us this far. We don’t do it perfectly everyday, but I’d choose us again. I am so thankful that Ron is in my life and that I get to be Max and Zach’s mom.
Back to the wedding invitation on my desk. I am planning on attending, not just for the cake (although what more of a reason do you need), but to experience the love again–the love that is perfect–the love among friends and family and the love that I feel from Christ at weddings. Jesus was a wedding go-er. It seems he too loved to attend, and to celebrate. He even eased some stress by saving the party when they ran out of wine at Cana. We’re not told, but who knows, maybe he enjoyed some wedding cake, too.
I hope you find yourself among a party this spring, having wedding cake. Please remember how special you are, whether married, single, with family or alone–celebrating the best part of relationship–the love we have to share…and by all means, enjoy the cake!
Strength
They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength: they shall mount up with wings as eagles: they shall run, and not be weary: and they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
I recently read a quote, “If it weren’t for stress, I’d have no energy at all.” Some days I wake up and I’m weary. I start the day tired, wondering where that tired came from. One thing I’ve started doing is to begin the day reading scripture. This is hard to do on a daily basis. Some days I just open the Bible, some days a scripture comes to mind. Some days I revisit a scripture I heard the previous week in worship or in my Sunday school class.
The scripture above is one I read on my devotional calendar. It was so right for me today, even in this hour. It’s 2 in the afternoon as I write this. You know that time in the afternoon when you’re ready for a break. I just finished off some thin mint Girl Scout cookies. If you’re gonna eat cookies, they might as well be thin mint Girl Scout cookies. . . . They Rock!
A friend of mine turned 8 this week. I can remember being 8 and especially in the summer being able to run for hours. I could play outside forever and never get tired. The scripture says they that wait upon the Lord, shall renew their strength. Waiting on the Lord . . . at no time can I think of waiting for something and renewing my strength. Waiting is not generally a renewing exercise for me, in fact it makes me tired. So this waiting is going to look different and I’m gonna feel different. Maybe this waiting is like starting the day reading scripture and listening to God, not doing my thing alone, but really being engaged with God during the day and realizing that my strength today is going be be a gift from God. When I think about it, it all comes from God anyway, whether I am aware of it or not. So I should give God all my weariness, my impatience, my whole day, my whole life.
peace to you friends, . . . Celia
Fear
1John 4:18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love.
Imagine that you were not afraid. Last week, my son Max came running into the kitchen saying a snake was on his TV show. He was right–I checked–a cartoon snake was on the screen. We sat and I told him it was ok–it was just pretend. We talked about what else made him afraid. He covered his mouth and talked out of the side of it. He said, “dark places.” He stayed in my lap and we discussed a plan for him for those times when he was afraid. We talked about what could he do. Our list went something like this… take a deep breath, sing a song, get his dinosaur flashlight, get his blue soft blanket, get his stuffed dog, come get me, think happy thoughts, say a prayer to Jesus. Soon the snake was forgotten and together we set the table for dinner.
What makes you afraid? Years ago I hear a sermon from one of my favorite pastors–I won’t mention his name, because many of you reading this are also my favorite pastors:) The pastor said–what if something like this happens . . . you go to heaven and God says, “I want to show you something” and God pulls down a big screen and shows you a movie. As you watch, it appears very familiar to you, but you don’t quite recognize it. You ask God, “whose life is that?” and God says, “wait until the end of the film.” After the film, God says, “that’s what your life could’ve been, if you hadn’t been afraid.” Now that’s scary. Soon after hearing that sermon, I quit teaching and began this wonderful, wild, scary, life giving journey into music.
What would happen… if we lived our lives without fear… if we really trusted God 100%… if we gave all of our lives to Christ… if we gave more than we took… if we were fiercely loyal… if we weren’t afraid of what others thought of us… if we loved ourselves all the time… if we loved with reckless abandon… if we weren’t afraid to be ourselves?
Thinking of my life I can name several times and things that have scared me and in reality have been very difficult to walk through… job changes, moves, eating disorder, self-doubt, a miscarriage, coming to grips with painful memories and most recently the death of loved ones. This past year I read Henry Nouwen’s “A Letter of Consolation.” He proposes that it is a myth that time heals wounds. Nouwen says it doesn’t–time actually makes most things harder… you miss that loved one more.. you wondered when you’ll ever let go of that hurt. He says that it is love that heals and that sees us through hard times–God’s perfect love.
I know that to be true. I have lived it time and time again and I know that whatever dark places I experience in the future, God’s love will see me through. Sometimes it is crystal clear that God’s perfect love is the only thing that makes sense.
So this week, consider our list. Maybe you need a dinosaur flashlight; but remember to take a deep breath, find a friend, think a happy thought, sing a song, say a prayer to Jesus.. and know that God’s love will see you through, no matter what.
Blessings friends, Celia
Thankfulness
During the week of Thanksgiving, Celia sang at a community thanksgiving service. The sermon topic was, of course, thankfulness.
One illustration has stuck with me. The preaching pastor, Alan Clark, had chaperoned a high school youth choir trip to England. One of the stops on the trip was the Tower of London. If you’ve been to the Tower of London, you know there are several very valuable artifacts on display. One of the big displays is jewelry that has belonged to the royal family through the years. Alan said the place was full of visitors who were awestruck at the jewels they saw. There was another group of people there. There were a number of security guards doing their jobs. The guards were not in awe–they were at work. From the outside looking in, they seemed unimpressed by the jewels. This was stuff they saw everyday.
As human beings we quickly take things for granted. I think that’s particularly evident this time of year. With the to do lists and the commercialism that the holidays bring, it’s easy to skip over the incredible gift that is ours in Christmas.
Maybe that is one reason children are great to be around at Christmas. They are seeing it anew. Our three year old, Max, is practicing his songs for the children’s choir program at church. He walks around the house singing about the camels going to Bethlehem to see where Christ was born. Two days ago he and I listened to Linus re-tell the story from Luke on the Peanuts Christmas special.
This year, we invite you to hear the story anew and to celebrate with awe–like you’re celebrating for the first time! Merry Christmas