Category: children

Weddings

I am looking at a wedding invitation on my desk and my thoughts drift toward weddings and ultimately toward wedding cake. What is it about wedding cake that I love? It is by far the best cake in the whole universe. (Except when my friend Marilyn made a red velvet cake for my dad’s 80th birthday, now that was a cake!) I can honestly say I can’t remember ever tasting bad wedding cake.

I love going to weddings. There is something so wonderful about weddings–the joy, the friends and family gathered, the food, and did I mention the cake. When I started singing, I sang for several weddings. Most of them were for friends and folks who had been in my husband Ron’s youth group throughout the years. There is something very wonderful about singing at a wedding—especially the ceremony of someone you love. When you sing, you are incredibly close to the action and it is holy ground. There is something so sacred and so special about seeing someone look into the eyes of the one they love with all of their heart and saying… with God’s help, we are one–we leave this place united to face everything together and we will hold on to each other.

Well it is that time of year again–spring is in the air and invitations are in the mailbox. Singing at weddings also makes me crazy. (Unless of course you’re reading this and I sang for yours, it was the exception). Most folks are nervous, wanting everything to go hopelessly perfect. That creates stress. And of course things seldom go perfectly, because someone is late, etc. Weddings, like marriages and the rest of this life, are simply not perfect.

I have sung in two weddings when I was several months pregnant. Try to find clothing to help you blend in when you are very pregnant, ugh; but I smiled and sang anyway and was thrilled to be included. Of course videotaped those ceremonies.

My favorite experience was the one where the grandparents had been forgotten at the hotel. The mother of the bride asked me if I could stretch my song. There was no way to stretch that song, so I smiled and said, “Ummm no, but thanks; let’s just have an instrumental moment.” So the organist went around one more time.

Another favorite memory is my brother-in-law and sister-in-law’s wedding. It was held on the steps of a beautiful house on Calumet Horse farm in Lexington, KY. A video camera was set up and I sang a song, while in the background my energetic eighteen-month-old son Max is running laps around the small ceremony. Somehow we had the moment! It is a great video to watch now. I could tell more stories about other weddings, but I am getting to the stories where I begin embarrassing myself.

Back to cake, I remember wanting my own wedding cake to look perfect. I had the ladies of an art class at my church, touch up a small statuette of a bride and groom that my parents had used on their wedding cake. The couple on the statue looked a bit tired, but I loved it. I remember when the baker brought the cake. I had this vision of a lace arch over the bride and groom standing proudly on the very top of the cake. I turned to the baker as she placed the cake on the table in the fellowship hall and asked her about the arch. She said she had forgotten about my arch and so the couple stood proudly, but unadorned by the beautiful arch from my perfect vision.

Sometimes we have to choose between letting go of a vision or letting go of the moment. If you cling to the vision, you miss the moment. The only way to embrace the moment is to release the vision, in order to see what is perfect about what is right in front of you. The real perfection that day was in our love for each other. That love has carried us this far. We don’t do it perfectly everyday, but I’d choose us again. I am so thankful that Ron is in my life and that I get to be Max and Zach’s mom.

Back to the wedding invitation on my desk. I am planning on attending, not just for the cake (although what more of a reason do you need), but to experience the love again–the love that is perfect–the love among friends and family and the love that I feel from Christ at weddings. Jesus was a wedding go-er. It seems he too loved to attend, and to celebrate. He even eased some stress by saving the party when they ran out of wine at Cana. We’re not told, but who knows, maybe he enjoyed some wedding cake, too.

I hope you find yourself among a party this spring, having wedding cake. Please remember how special you are, whether married, single, with family or alone–celebrating the best part of relationship–the love we have to share…and by all means, enjoy the cake!

Fear

1John 4:18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love.

Imagine that you were not afraid. Last week, my son Max came running into the kitchen saying a snake was on his TV show. He was right–I checked–a cartoon snake was on the screen. We sat and I told him it was ok–it was just pretend. We talked about what else made him afraid. He covered his mouth and talked out of the side of it. He said, “dark places.” He stayed in my lap and we discussed a plan for him for those times when he was afraid. We talked about what could he do. Our list went something like this… take a deep breath, sing a song, get his dinosaur flashlight, get his blue soft blanket, get his stuffed dog, come get me, think happy thoughts, say a prayer to Jesus. Soon the snake was forgotten and together we set the table for dinner.

What makes you afraid? Years ago I hear a sermon from one of my favorite pastors–I won’t mention his name, because many of you reading this are also my favorite pastors:) The pastor said–what if something like this happens . . . you go to heaven and God says, “I want to show you something” and God pulls down a big screen and shows you a movie. As you watch, it appears very familiar to you, but you don’t quite recognize it. You ask God, “whose life is that?” and God says, “wait until the end of the film.” After the film, God says, “that’s what your life could’ve been, if you hadn’t been afraid.” Now that’s scary. Soon after hearing that sermon, I quit teaching and began this wonderful, wild, scary, life giving journey into music.

What would happen… if we lived our lives without fear… if we really trusted God 100%… if we gave all of our lives to Christ… if we gave more than we took… if we were fiercely loyal… if we weren’t afraid of what others thought of us… if we loved ourselves all the time… if we loved with reckless abandon… if we weren’t afraid to be ourselves?

Thinking of my life I can name several times and things that have scared me and in reality have been very difficult to walk through… job changes, moves, eating disorder, self-doubt, a miscarriage, coming to grips with painful memories and most recently the death of loved ones. This past year I read Henry Nouwen’s “A Letter of Consolation.” He proposes that it is a myth that time heals wounds. Nouwen says it doesn’t–time actually makes most things harder… you miss that loved one more.. you wondered when you’ll ever let go of that hurt. He says that it is love that heals and that sees us through hard times–God’s perfect love.

I know that to be true. I have lived it time and time again and I know that whatever dark places I experience in the future, God’s love will see me through. Sometimes it is crystal clear that God’s perfect love is the only thing that makes sense.

So this week, consider our list. Maybe you need a dinosaur flashlight; but remember to take a deep breath, find a friend, think a happy thought, sing a song, say a prayer to Jesus.. and know that God’s love will see you through, no matter what.

Blessings friends, Celia

Thankfulness

During the week of Thanksgiving, Celia sang at a community thanksgiving service. The sermon topic was, of course, thankfulness.

One illustration has stuck with me. The preaching pastor, Alan Clark, had chaperoned a high school youth choir trip to England. One of the stops on the trip was the Tower of London. If you’ve been to the Tower of London, you know there are several very valuable artifacts on display. One of the big displays is jewelry that has belonged to the royal family through the years. Alan said the place was full of visitors who were awestruck at the jewels they saw. There was another group of people there. There were a number of security guards doing their jobs. The guards were not in awe–they were at work. From the outside looking in, they seemed unimpressed by the jewels. This was stuff they saw everyday.

As human beings we quickly take things for granted. I think that’s particularly evident this time of year. With the to do lists and the commercialism that the holidays bring, it’s easy to skip over the incredible gift that is ours in Christmas.

Maybe that is one reason children are great to be around at Christmas. They are seeing it anew. Our three year old, Max, is practicing his songs for the children’s choir program at church. He walks around the house singing about the camels going to Bethlehem to see where Christ was born. Two days ago he and I listened to Linus re-tell the story from Luke on the Peanuts Christmas special.

This year, we invite you to hear the story anew and to celebrate with awe–like you’re celebrating for the first time! Merry Christmas

On Loss, by Ron

The valley of the shadow of death . . . we’ve been walking through that valley. Celia’s father, Rev. William Vincent Sirman, whose 80th birthday was devotional subject in our last e-mail newsletter, passed away on May 24th. He had come to Tennessee for a visit (with our apple trees, primarily) and suffered a heart attack. He spent about 2 and 1/2 weeks in the hospital. Then with the help of hospice, we brought him home, knowing his days were numbered. After 1 and 1/2 weeks, he died in our home–the old fashioned way with family surrounding him. It was an incredibly peaceful transition and if I could type faster, I’d tell you the whole story, It was an honor to be there to help him with that part of his journey. This loss follows the death of Celia’s sister last July and her mother in January. I think the effects of grief are cumulative.

All of that said, God IS good and considering the circumstances, Celia is doing well, herself. We have known the support of the community. Our church has a casserole ministry–EVERY church should have a casserole ministry. With one phone call, you’ve got meals delivered to your home roughly once a day, until you say stop. I’m going to call them back after Thanksgiving and tell them we don’t need anymore meals–just kidding–they’ve stopped already. That’s just the tip of the iceberg of support we’ve felt from the community, friends and family. People we’d never met drove into our driveway with groceries, because they’d heard about our situation. We were taken care of.

Two brief stories about Max (the 3 year old). Story number 1: The morning Brother Bill died, we’d all said our good mornings to Bill. Max has a special way of saying good morning. His line is, “it’s a beautiful day.” This literally translates it’s not dark anymore. The opposite of this line isn’t, “it’s not a beautiful day,” but “it’s still dark and I should get back in bed” (an unpopular notion). All of that interpretation gets lost when you hear Max’s three year old voice proclaim, “it’s a beautiful day”–and that’s what Brother Bill heard on his last morning among us. Not a bad way to start your final day here. Story number 2: Immediately after Brother Bill died, a friend took both boys out of the house for a couple of hours. When they returned, we delivered the “adult to child death talk” that we’d prepared and rehearsed. It was a brief talk that ended with “Pawpaw is in heaven.” After listening to the talk, Max thought for a very brief moment and then said, “Can we go swimming?”–The boys are doing fine.

Following the cleaning out of Celia’s parents’ home in Louisiana, we had a wonderful memorial service for Brother Bill. After that, we led some music for a youth group on the beach in Florida. We love the beach. Show me a better place to contemplate the eternal than that place where all of the water meets all of the land–I want to go there!!

We’re ready to move forward, hoping that we’ve filled our loss quota for the next while. We’re excited about our upcoming work. July is a slamming month: we’ll be in Virginia for a week and then with a band, spend 3 weeks at national youth gatherings. If you see us at an event, check in and say howdy!

On Birthdays, By Ron

Four Score and Three Years ago…

It’s a month for birthdays at the Whitler house.

The Four Score: This past Tuesday (May 6) we celebrated Celia’s father’s 80th birthday. He had a heart attack while visiting us the prior week and so we had the party in his hospital room. We had pictures and singing and cake, doctors and nurses and friends, cards and letters . . . and one candle for 81! He’s scheduled to come back to our house tomorrow. We’re glad we could be with him during this illness. He’s in great spirits and his cardiologist appreciates his sense of humor and his spirit as he walks through this ordeal. (Please keep us in your prayers during this time of recovery. If you’d like to send a card to Rev.Bill Sirman, you can send it to him at PO Box 1385 Franklin, TN 37065)

The Three: Max turns three next week and he is excited. Last night we were in the grocery store picking up a few items (we really went for ice cream, but I insisted we buy some oatmeal while we were there, as balance is critical.) We rolled through the bakery area and as we passed the cakes, Max yelled “My Birthday Cake” . . . There will be another part next week!

I’m reminded of the familiar verses from Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to throw away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

Whatever it’s time for in your life . . . do it BIG! . . . Ron

Lent

I’ve never been big on editing. I usually say what I mean, so why toil over it? Will it really get better? As I work on songwriting I have worked with some co-writers who have the gift of editing–whittling down a message to a solid core–saying what needs to be said in the fewest words possible. They make it look easy. You know someone like this. They drive me nuts. I wish that came more naturally for me and my life. As I think of Lent, I am thinking about whittling away at some things in my life.

My father has been visiting us for the 6 weeks since my mother death. Last week he began pruning some apple trees in our front yard. Day after day he’d work a little on them–there are four of them. In the two years we have lived in this house they have produced very little fruit. Dad and I went to our local hardware store to pick up some fungicide. I love the hardware store near us. They have live chicks in a pen inside the store. There’s always a dog roaming around inside the store and they used to have a rooster who never could quite finish his cock-a-doodle-doo–it was worth the trip to the store to hear him attempt it. He always left you hanging. Back to the house and back to the apple trees. Max, Zach and I would help as best a 1 yr old and 3 yr old could to pick up the branches as dad and Ron would clip them off. Then the spraying began. Little by little the trees are pruned and sprayed. Today Dad is going to water them. He says he’s coming back in the fall to help pick apples and make applesauce–he’s got vision. They haven’t produced many apples so far. It’s hard to believe that they really will and after all the hard work that has gone into them. I’m really counting on them and looking forward to the day when they will.

Back to Lent… barren… stripped away… now’s the time for us to do the work and trust that we will bare some fruit after this time. I feel it’s time to look inside.. to look at my life.. to edit a little… even though I don’t want to… it takes time… it’s tedious, day after day letting go of some things to make room for new life. I could share with you what I’m working on letting go of, but it is so personal for each of us that I feel like I have to go this one alone. I’ve got to be the one day after day working… pruning… sharing my work with a few fellow editers in my life, as I guess you do. It’s funny–it’s easy to think that the yuck stuff we are working on in our own lives–no one else could relate to. The truth is we ALL have work to do. We all could do a little pruning and editing. It’s nice to know God is with us in this time, working with us, nudging us to let go and to celebrate the new life that awaits each of us.

2 Corinthians 5: 17 So if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new!

Christmas

I got a daily devotional booklet this year from a dear friend. Most weeks I’m too busy to remember that I need a daily devotional, much less take the time to read it, but yesterday’s thought said, “We do not remember days, we remember moments. Make each moment worth remembering.”

There are so many moments I have from this season (most of them involve being with someone and feeling loved): singing carols, lighting candles, hearing bells, the re-telling of the story of the first Christmas by children in church dressed in bath robes–I love the kids who wave at their parents from the front of the church–I always wave back (this morning, the children of our church led worship), watching Christmas cartoons (Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, the Grinch, Peanuts Christmas, Frosty The Snowman), reading books (Polar Express–great book–if you don’t have it give it to yourself, the Night Before Christmas, Christmas Mouse), hot chocolate, warm fires and watching the lights from the tree–I have a live Christmas tree partly because I like the way it makes the house smell. Like my dad, I’ve always been a night owl. I love to sit alone in the living room with all the lights off, except the tiny lights on the tree blinking around in the room. I don’t know where your happy places are, but that’s one of mine. Memories of Christmas past come back as I watch that light show and everything else is still and peaceful.

Yesterday we got our tree–brought that baby home to decorate. Max–at 2 1/2 years old–asked me what is “decorate” the tree and all I could think of was making our tree pretty. Then I tried making it special, then I tried putting ornaments on it. Then I just said, “you’ll see”. We untangled the lights and tried to get them all working. I don’t know why I bother trying to figure out which bulb don’t work–I found a new string for only $1.64. We put up ornaments, trying to find the right place for them–well placement is a must. Together Max and I, with Ron’s help and Zach’s pointing, got our tree up and decorated, complete with star that was way to heavy for our initial tree top.

My prayers for this Christmas are that we soak up the moments of this season–
the moments we are together with friends and family
the moments Christ comes to us even in little ways
the moments God uses small things to give us a sense of peace and surround us with love like no other
…and that we will find time to be still (I guess that’s what I need this year)
that we enjoy the moments–the doing-together stuff, even more than the “we have to get and give stuff;”
that we’ll remember what Christmas is all about relationships–ours to God in Christ (both the baby and the adult) and ours to each other.

Okay one last story, tonight before bed I was straightening the living room after decorating the tree. You know putting away boxes, extra lights and tidying up. We have a new nativity scene this year thanks to a friend. This nativity is a cloth one for a child. All of the foam figures were thrown around the floor. As I started to put them together I couldn’t find the baby Jesus in the manger or anywhere else. I looked for a long time for that baby. I remember that Max and Zach had been putting the figures in this antique looking bird house I have near the table the nativity was on. The baby Jesus was safely caged in the bird house. I freed baby Jesus and put him back where he belonged. If you are looking for the Christ child this season, remember to look in unlikely places, like a stable. There’s a song or a sermon in that idea. Have a Merry Christmas! With love, Celia

Mountains Or Beach, by Ron

This has been a unique two weeks for the Whitler family. Rarely do we get to the mountains AND the beach in one month. Our event calendar had us at both with only 36 hours in between. I’m not crazy about the forced choice question–I love both! Our mountain event was a youth leadership event in Estes Park, CO. Snow was falling and in that winter wonderland we listened to Christmas music. At the event, we explored the theme “Christians Under Construction.” We talked about God’s role in that endeavor and our individual and corporate roles in our growth. At the beach event in Fort Walton Beach, FL, we’re taking a look at encountering God. One of the things I love about the beach is the shore line. It’s that dynamic line where all of the ocean meets all of the land–2 different substances encountering one another. Max and I have explored that line–we sneak up on it and run from it. The line has a lot in common with the place where God meets us. During the event we’re taking a look at some waterfront encounters with God. Celia will be in St. Paul, MN on Sunday and we’ve got a year end visit to Houston to wind up our travels. It’s been an incredible year!! So how ’bout you . . . beach, mountains or both?

On Favorites, by Ron

Day before yesterday Max shared a brand new word with me . . . “favorite”. I’ve never heard him say it before. It’s kinda funny that his first use of the word was to describe a video he’d never seen before. He was carrying a video tape he had selected for viewing from a drawer of tapes. The tape didn’t even have a picture on it–just some random shows we’d recorded to watch, but Max wanted to watch the tape he’d chosen. I guess a it was a new strategy to use in an attempt to get the world to respond to what Max wanted (not that adults ever exhibit that kind of behavior–I can’t imagine where he picked it up.) I know what his favorite video is, we’ve seen it many times, sometimes more than twice in a day. I can sing all the songs to it–and it’s not my favorite video. I still don’t know where he got the word favorite–if I’ve used it around him, it was insignificant to me. Max has made the word significant.

Speaking of significance . . . last week in worship, we heard a sermon about a story that I’ve heard before. It had been a fairly insignificant story to me, but I doubt it’ll ever be insignificant again. It was the story of Cornelius from Acts 10. The turn of events in this story radically changed the church–we’d be a very different church without Cornelius. One of the central elements of the story is a vision from God. Some Bible stories seem pretty distant to me, because they happened so long ago. But as I listened to Cornelius’ story, I smiled, thinking of my friend, Adam (that’s not my friend’s real name.)

Adam and I are pretty different people. If you know me well, you know I’m pretty down to earth (though I’m really careful about saying what God doesn’t do). Adam, on the other hand, sees visions from God–nothing on the everyday sort of frequency, but about every ten or fifteen years, Adam has a vision that I believe comes straight from God. I’m not talking about a post-burrito kind of dream–I’m talking about a vision like right out of the Bible, that forces Adam to make sweeping changes in his life. Several months ago, I spoke with Adam about the events leading up to his most recent vision, about the vision itself, and about Adam’s response. It was an incredible story that took place over the course of two or three years. I can assure you that Adam was a faithful disciple before his vision, but Adam’s life has changed radically. Adam doesn’t share all the details of this story with many people, and I feel pretty privileged to know the whole story. When you know the whole story, you understand. Being faithful has had a high price tag for Adam. Adam had to lay it on the line. I’m not sure I want instructions that are that clear from God.

Adam’s and Cornelius’ stories are incredibly similar. Knowing Adam’s story has made Cornelius’ story come alive for me. My word for you is to be on the lookout for the significant–it’s out there. Read Acts 10 and think of my friend Adam, it’s still happening today.

God’s Peace, Ron

Ps I’m also more aware about my use of the word “favorite”.

On Snow

What is it about snow that brings out the kids in each of us…. makes grown people go sledding… catch snowflakes on their tongues… makes us want to curl up in front of a large window with a big mug of hot chocolate, a cozy fire and just watch…
… being from Louisiana.. enjoying snow was not part of my upbringing…. when I travel north … youth are surprised that I didn’t toboggan as a kid…. 2 things were missing from my childhood that would allow me to enjoy that pastime… snow and hills…
…one winter it did snow… not just little flakes… BIG snow as Max would say… big flakes… and in the morning it was still there… as luck would have it I was home sick that week… and was not allowed to go outside and play… the agony of it all… it makes me sad just thinking of it… ugh!!!… when my mom busied herself in another part of the house… I hurriedly put on boots and a coat and walked outside in our back yard… it was huge… and blanketed with snow… I remember it was if it were today… down the steps… carefully as not to slip… around the shed… and back near the clothes line is where I found a moment of pure joy… I quickly laid down in the snow… and you guessed it … made a snow angel…. it was perfect… what a feeling… as I walked away from my masterpiece… it didn’t occur to me… this was the thing that would tattle on my road trip from the house… I quickly made my way back into the house… put my clothes and boots away.. and crawled back on the couch.. thinking no one will ever know…. as I am learning …moms see and find out most things we as children don’t want them to know.. when confronted about the snow angel… I nonchalantly lied… and said I have no idea what it is doing there or who would do such a thing… after some time I came clean and suffered the consequences… more time on the couch….
… it never snowed again while I was growing up and it wasn’t until college and a trip to Colorado did I make more snow angels….
… it’s the whimsical way the flakes fly around… it’s the whiteness of the ground.. it’s the dream of snowmen and snowball fights….making ice cream….getting to stay home from school… renting movies and cuddling up with our loved ones…. sledding with friends…. as a pastor friend of mine says with a laugh…it’s a chance to marvel at God’s great handiwork…. whew! That’s Good!…..
…. it’s a little thing that we can enjoy on earth… and isn’t it the little things that add up to the big things anyway…
… I wrote this several days ago as I watched it snow outside my window… not enough for a snow angel today…. but one day soon Ron, the boys and I will enjoy the pure joy of our creations…. till then…. God bless
Celia