10  10 2014

Three words

Boiling my life down to three words that people would us to describe me was interesting, moving and heartfelt.  See what I did, yea I like a little humor mixed in.  This week, I watched “The Fault in Our Stars” and was moved by the before-death obituary scene. Set in a church two friends stand at the podium and eulogize their friend soon to die of cancer.  I’ve always thought, why wait.  Why wait to tell a loved one what your thoughts are for them?  Why wait to share your true feelings about a close friend or family member.  Why wait?  I think the answer is we think we have the time to tell them.  We live in a realm of reality that falsely makes us believe that we have all the time in the world to share something with someone… there will be plenty of time.  Another reason, is we don’t want the awkward moment.  I know, I hate and love the awkward moment.  You know that moment when we say the thing and we aren’t sure how it is  received.  But to me, that is the most sacred moment of all.  That chance taken is pure and beautiful and full of wonder that we all long for in our lives.  Real.  Real and present.  The two things I know life yearns for yet we have seemed to make more of life avoid both of these with great gusto.

Today, I asked friends, acquaintances, family to respond to the question, what three words come to mind when you think of me… my writing, my singing, my spoken word, my life.  To say I felt like Gus in Fault in Our Stars is an understatement.  Such kind and thoughtful words were shared… but the ones I most appreciated were these: passionate, authentic, contagious.  When and activity presents itself like this one … I tend to think of the words that represent my short comings and wonder if those will be lifted up… absent minded, scattered, doubtful.  I feel sometimes like I’m absent minded because  I am so passionate about who I am with and what I am doing that everything else fades… sometimes that might be other appointments.. keys… the coffee I stepped into the grocery store to buy… sometimes the small things get over looked for the what’s right in front of me things.. and I love that part of who I am as well as see it for the challenge it is.  I sometimes feel scattered and yet I am so open to sharing that with others.  I feel comfortable sharing the pain, sharing the I don’t know-s of life, sharing the obstacles and let others see that scattered is really an ok thing to be at times.  I am not perfect and the older I get, the easier it is to embrace the me who I am as well as push toward the me I want to become.  Finally, I realize I am doubtful at times… only because I sometimes feel I share the too real thing and share it with enthusiasm and a deep desire that others will join my rag tag life parade.  At times, people don’t want that much real and they sure don’t want to be asked to be that themselves… thus the doubt.  May I should tone me down.  A toned down me wouldn’t be me and so as I accept these amazing words of how I have impacted others…I heard these words myself.  That raising the banner of Love, Hope, Joy are good and true virtues and I deeply want others to see those aspects in their own lives.  Passionate…authentic… contagious… healing… love… faithful… joyful… comforting.. gusto.. care.. enthusiasm.. with heart… heartfelt.. witness.. fully… unconditionally… inspiring… hopeful… motivating… blessed.. bountiful… engaging.. uplifting… dynamic.. enchanting… Godly… grace… truth… beautiful… inspirational.. genuine…

After reading the words spoken… I thought of three words myself… thank you all!


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